It's doom and gloom here today. This song feels fitting for my current mood.
I can't stop thinking about peanut butter M&Ms. I know it's because I'm pre-menstrual , but you'd think after 19 years of being A Woman™ I would have more self control over this type of thing. Guess not.
In other news, I've been snacking on pita chips since 9:30 this morning.
Guys, I went to bed at 7pm on Saturday night and it's easily the best decision I've ever made.
I saw one of my aunts over the weekend who is known in my family for her cutting remarks. She looked at me and said,"Oh? You look nice!" as if I usually leave the house wearing a garbage bag.
Anyone watching the new season of House of Cards?
Anyone listen to the My Favorite Murder Podcast?
Here's a short list of things I wish I had in my possession right now: an entire pizza, Harry Styles. End of list.
Sometimes I want to cry just thinking about the fact that I've never had In-N-Out.
I realized yesterday that I have not made tacos since Cinco de Mayo. THAT'S CRIMINAL. How bad is it if I go to spin tonight and then go home and make tacos?
Don't @ me if you think I shouldn't do that.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have peanut butter M&Ms to buy.
In the fall of 2015, I went to the MAC counter at Macy's and said, "I don't care how much it costs, I need all new makeup. " To the tune of $200, I got what I asked for.
Since then, I've been trying to find less expensive products that are comparable. But mostly, I've just been trying to find makeup I can buy at Target since I spend 3 out of my 5 lunch breaks there every week.
Here's what I found:
- NYX Total Control Drop Foundation | $13.99 @ Target: I watched one and a half YouTube tutorials before deciding this was going to be the foundation I tried. I'm lol'ing thinking about the girls in the video who used 3-4 drops for "full coverage" while I have to use, like, 10. I have heavy red undertones (? is that a thing?). But overall, I really like this. It's light and it lasts all day. I use the color "porcelain" because I am a literal ghost.
- NYX #Nofilter Finishing Powder | $11.99 @ Target: I've had a hard time finding a finishing powder that I like as much as the one I got from MAC. Is it just me (and my dry skin) or do powders leave your face looking cracked AF? I look fine when I leave the house in the morning, but by high noon, my face looks like this. SAD! But this powder does the trick-- and I shamefully picked it up because of the hashtag no filter name. What do you expect from me? I'm a millennial-- we're terrible humans, didn't you know?
- NYX Epic Ink Eyeliner | $7.99 @ Target: A few months ago I stopped wearing eyeliner on my bottom waterline. A few weeks ago I stopped wearing eye shadow. I'd like to say it's because I want to take better care of my skin and not be so ~bogged down~ with product, but really it's because I'm lazy and don't feel like taking the extra 5 minutes to do a full face of makeup. I like this eyeliner when I want a matte finish.
- NYX Vinyl Liquid Eyeliner | $6.99 @ Target: TBH, I first picked this up because it has "vinyl" in the name and I'm a sucker for records. It has a shiny finish, which is fun for when I go out but questionable when I'm at work. It does tend to crack a little by the end of the day, but that could be user error on my part.
So, yes, everything is by NYX and from Target. Not sponsored, but wish.
Do you have any drug store faves? Let a girl know.
favorites (p. 1) can found here.
P.S. This is the last time (this week) that I'll ask you to subscribe to notifications! (scroll down to find the sign up box) You'll not only be alerted when a new post goes live here, you'll also receive some off the record posts from me-- posts that dive a bit deeper.
And in the future, I'm hoping to use this as an opportunity for all of us to interact. So it's not just me barking @ you re: my questionable beauty routines and even more questionable ex-boyfriends.
"That's how you survive-- getting up and showing up, and beating fear at its own damn game." - Charleigh Aleyna
"There is a magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond physically together and is often more profound." - Diane Cortes
"Nobody is in love with me and everything is still warm. Still soft. Still rosewater and a typewriter ribbon. Still cookbooks and salt air and sheer black lingerie. Still red lipstick. Still mostly kind. Still often uncomplicated. Still mints at the bottom of my purse, hair held back, pulse thumping through skin. Still sweet tea in a pitcher on the kitchen counter, a cold glass with three lemon slices, a full ice cub trey. I don't understand how it's all so light." - Trista Mateer
Before I went to pick up the guitar that night, I was talking to a guy friend who was never meant to be one. Someone I kept in my life when I should have cut him out of it. For a very brief moment, before you, he was the axis I allowed my world to spin on. The yearning I had was for him and him alone.
Yet the distance between us was not ideal for a relationship, but rather provided the opportunity for a friendship to form, and so I took advantage of that. I asked him how he got over the worst heartbreak he ever felt. He responded with, “Time. It just takes time.”
I knew he was right. I had dealt with heartbreak before—even involving him, and the only cure for it was distance between what happened when it broke and everything that hurled me onward-- toward what was next.
How strange it felt to be asking him how to get over you.
In the black hole that was your immediate absence, the first thing I went searching for was your hand.
I remember sitting on the couch in my living room, attempting to distract myself with a movie, but instead focusing on the lack of touch. I had grown accustomed to you reaching for my hand; I forgot how to watch a movie without that small gesture.
I’m not sure when I stopped reaching for it, but recently someone’s hand brushed against mine. I was instantly made aware of the fact that it had been weeks since I thought of your fingers finding their resting place between mine.
It was a small sign of forward progression-- a little reminder to be grateful for each phase of heartbreak, no matter how long it takes to move from one to the next.
P.S. Have you signed up for email notifications yet? If not, please do! I'll be sending my first Off the Record letter out next week to those of you who are on the mailing list. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to sign up!
I forgot about spring.
Maybe because last weekend was a whirlwind. Maybe because it's been so cold. Whatever the reason, I forgot about winter turning over to spring.
Truthfully, I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. I've grown accustomed to the sun setting by 5:30. And as much as I hate the cold, I find some comfort in warm layers and tall boots.
And, yes, it's been nice not having to worry about shaving my legs. But that's not the point I'm trying to make.
I never thought I'd want winter to stick around a little longer. And I still don't.
But for the first time, I'm leaning into the unknown. I'm holding onto this in-between while it lasts.
A Sunday night spent listening to Norah Jones while putting fresh sheets on the bed is a Sunday night well spent.
I was going to make a video for this, but considering I haven’t edited the last video I shot, I figured typing it out would be easier. Am I the only one who spends all day in front of a computer screen (two, actually) and doesn’t want to spend her evenings in front of one, too?
Anyway, here’s the short list of my current favorites:
- Nirvana Bourbon | $25 @ Sephora: This perfume is musky and mysterious in all the ways I want a man to be. It does have a cologne vibe versus a floral scent, but that’s what I typically go for. I only purchased the roller because I needed to wear it and make sure it wouldn’t give me a headache before I spent $$ on a bottle of it. But it’s 10/10 worth every penny. Other Elizabeth & James scents include Nirvana Black, Nirvana White and Nirvana Rose.
- Point Joggers | $19.99 @ Uniqlo: I feel like an asshole even mentioning these because they are currently out of stock (all colors/sizes) but I think that only further proves how incredible they are. I have to again thank my pal Brooke Lyn for introducing me to these. She snapped me a photo of her wearing them and within 20 minutes I had ordered a pair. Once they arrived and I tried them on, I ordered another pair before I even took the first pair off.
- Nyx Studio Perfect Photo-Loving Primer | $12.99 @ Target: The first time I purchased primer, I spent $40 on a bottle from MAC and I thought, “THERE HAS TO BE A CHEAPER WAY TO DO THIS.” Since then I’ve tried primers from CoverGirl, Maybelline, and elf until I found this one. I buy the green one because it’s anti-redness, but it also comes in clear and purple (anti-dull skin).
- Bronx Colors Skinny Mascara | $9.99 @ Ulta: Mascara is a necessary evil, if you ask me. I have never, ever found a brand I actually like; I’ve only ever found ones that I will tolerate. But this teeny, tiny wand makes all the difference. IMO, the bigger the wand, the bigger the mess (that’s what she said) (but really). Currently, this brand is only sold online through Ulta.
- John Mayer | Okay, so, I didn’t buy John Mayer. But man oh man, I would if I could. Or, I would pay at least $100 dollars to run my hands through his hair just once. He’s releasing his new album, The Search for Everything, in waves—the first two are out now, with the complete album being released on April 14th. My favorite songs so far are “Helpless” and “Moving On and Getting Over” but truthfully, I love them all.
Tell me about some of your current favorites!
PS: If you haven't already, scroll down to the bottom of this page to sign up for email notifications. I'll send you a note every time something is posted here. And in the future I plan to send some ~bonus material~ to this list. You know, the shit I don't want exes and coworkers to read.