Cheap thrills, by Bravo.

One of my guilty pleasures is reality TV. I'm especially obsessed with anything on Bravo. Bravo could shit in a box and I'd watch it all day, every day. Before the days of DVR, I used to have a whiteboard on the back of my bedroom door and I'd write down what shows were on what days. And if I wasn't home, I'd record them on VHS. Yes, people, VHS. I still have quite the collection.

"Let's go, girls" - in my best Shania Twain voice

One of my favorite franchises, if you will, is Bravo's Real Housewives. Don't worry, I get it. These women are far from "real" and more than half of them are no longer wives, but I find myself watching EVERY season. Even D.C. (SN: Kudos, Bravo, for canceling that). I'm so happy that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back, despite what happened with Russell Armstrong. Horrible. So I think I will recap each episode and give my opinion, no? Real Housewives of New Jersey is my favorite cast, but their season is almost over. Boo.

Let's start with my thoughts on the #RHOBH ladies so far this season...

Adrienne: To me, she always seemed the most calm despite having tinsel in her hair. So far this season it's clear that her and her husband, Paul, are on each other's shit lists. On the season premiere they had (aka Bravo told them to) a dinner party and invited all the girls over. Did anyone else want to crawl under a blanket and die when her and Paul started fighting before the toast? Awful. Hopefully, Adrienne and Paul can work it out for the sake of their children - by the way, where the hell have they been? Probably playing with that super cute puppy, Jackpot. I would be.

Kyle: She is, and probably always will be, my favorite. How she is related to Paris Hilton is BEYOND me. I love her family, especially her hottie husband and that freakin adorable little girl, Portia. She seems to have some funny one-liners and I could not be more jealous of the fact that all that hair is really hers. I'm looking forward to seeing how her relationship with Kim plays out this season.

Kim: For a second, I thought she was sober. That's until I watched the episode this week when Adrienne called her. Then she sounded bombed, and I got a little excited. I always knew something was funky with her so when Kyle called her out at the end of last season for being an alcoholic, I felt like I won the crazy lady lottery. Everything made sense. Remember the episode where she met the guy in the market, invited him over to her house and then pretended that someone else's child was hers? Love it.

Lisa: What is with her this season? I remember her being a snotty bitch, but not to this extreme. Perhaps she should break her own rule and have sex more than twice a year because this woman needs to get laid. I would, however, love to go to one of her restaurants because they seem fabulous.

Camille: So far, so good. I know she went through a lot while she was filming the first season, so I'm glad to see her back on and (kind of) normal. I died when I saw her house in Colorado. I wouldn't mind being a flea on a dog that lived in that house. It's too early to determine how she's going to be this season, but I'm hoping for the best!

Taylor: I won't rip on her too badly since she's going through so much but I will say she looks like a skeleton just in time for Halloween. She was never my favorite and always seemed a bit too dramatic and emotional for me. I don't doubt what she went through with Russell was tough, and I'm interested to see how Bravo plays it out since his death.

I got really pissy when I heard there was going to be a new housewife, until I found out it's Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife. Now I'm beside myself with excitement!