RHOBH Recap!

Let's start this post off with a moment of silence in honor of Mauricio and that hot bod of his...

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Phew, okay.

I also feel the need to take a moment of silence in honor of Adrienne's spa. Did anyone else turn green with envy? I'm sure she has a machine in there that can fix that. I understand she has more money than I can even imagine and that these rich celebs often have home theaters, tennis courts, bowling alleys, etc. but this? This is unheard of in Housewives history.

And where do the worker bees come from? I'm assuming she has little doors along the baseboard of her hallways and these spa techs live in there, like in Cinderella, so that Adrienne can get a fancy facial or a massage whenever she feels like it.

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But she didn't have anything done because she was too busy playing the peacemaker. I guess I was so caught up in the drug abuse name calling that I didn't take the time to understand what Kim, Kyle, and umm..Brandi (that's it!) were really fighting about. Which, turns out folks, is nothing spectacular. Here are my thoughts about the fight, now that I realize what it's truly about:

The lemons remind me of "The Break Up" ...whatever my baby wants, my baby gets.

Brandi: Your kid peed on Adrienne's lawn, on national television, and you laughed. I understand that kids are ALWAYS a trigger point for parents, but when Kyle called you out on it, she was right. Adrienne was mortified, she's just too nice to say anything. She can commiserate with you by saying, "I have boys, too!" but there's no way in hell either of her kids would have gotten away with that. I bet Jackpot doesn't even pee on other people's lawns, and he's an effing dog!

Kyle: For the first time this season, you didn't seem like such a mean girl. Talking to Brandi was the right thing to do and insisting she apologize to Kim was the right thing to say. But let's be honest, you and Kim were far from innocent that night. Let's not drag this out for the whole season, okay? And why are you wasting your energy with these idiots, when you could be home with Mauricio and Mermaid Portia.

Kim: Can you do me a favor and reenact Brandi trying to attack you while standing on one foot? That was great. I didn't even process the thought that game night was the first time you met Brandi. She does need to apologize for saying that you use meth, but you didn't exactly start off on a "sober foot" with her. And you did say you didn't want her on your team, while sitting five feet away from her. Let's move on!

Thanks, Kim, for always looking like an idiot.
Next week's episode will show Russell for the first time and Kim's new beau. I wonder if she met him at AA?