Guest Post: RHOBH Recap!

This week's RHOBH recap comes to you courtesy of my friend, Kelsey. And when she says she's a fellow lover of black clothing, she ain't kidding. Flashback to gym class circa 2004 when we both show up wearing the same.exact.outfit. Love at first black turtleneck, if you ask me.


Hi everybody! I’m Kelsey- I went to high school with Alissa, and am a fellow lover of reality television, Bravo, and black clothing. I just graduated from college with an English degree- but the kind of writing I enjoy doing the most revolves around making sarcastic commentary about faux-celebrities and the ridiculously over-the-top lives they lead. Sorry, Mom and Dad.  I’ll use the degree you paid for some day... but that day is not today.
Can I just say, I honestly am very happy that I do not live anywhere near Beverly Hills- or to be more specific, have to DRIVE anywhere near Beverly Hills. Cut to: Kim driving to ‘Paul’s Night of Beauty’- saying she was multitasking behind the wheel of her Benz is the understatement of the century. It seems like her mind is going in a million different directions (not unusual behavior for old Kimmy) - just the kind of thing you want to see someone doing when they are independently in control of a vehicle on the freeway. From checking her watch, answering her phone, staring off into space, giving herself a quick self- face lift in the rearview mirror- I’m beginning to think if she never actually looked at the road or had her hands on the wheel for any of that drive. Unrelated side note: I would consider selling my own brother to have Kyle’s hair.  Or her husband... ayo Mauricio.
And Paul, that glazed-over, three-sheets-to-the-wind face that Kim has on all the time? Pretty sure no amount of ‘special service’ you can give her are going to change that. That’s just her face.

Lisa is becoming increasingly more annoying to me- I used to really like her when she was more laid back, didn’t have an American driver’s license, and still had that oddly maternal relationship with her pool boy Cedric-- but now she is just a catty, immature old broad with a yippy dog and an overly- prestigious way of pronouncing the majority of her words. Going around and telling people that Taylor has ‘no friends’? Unnecessary roughness, ten yard penalty. Grow up girlfriend. The only semi-acceptable thing she did this week was impersonate Kim, and that was spot-on.
I liked how Kyle called Brandi and invited her to her séance, and also was (reluctantly) accepting of Kim’s totally cray decision to move in with her secret boyfriend who I am convinced is somehow related to Mr. Bean...

Anyway, it further proves my theory that she is certainly the sanest one in this group of ladies, along with Camille- who this season is making a run for the top of my list, after ditching that crap-bag husband of hers and the electronic-chain-smoking medium friend that kept hanging around. And, while the whole idea of the séance seems like a fun concept- it kind of comes off like a load of BS to me. I could sit here right now and tell you that I ‘feel the presence’ of your lost loved one too- but how are you ever going to know if I’m telling the truth? It seems completely fabricated, but makes for great TV. (If I had the money consult one of them, however, forget everything I just wrote-- because I totally would try)

Thank you, Kelsey! Is everyone in agreement that she needs to start her own blog? I thought so!