Oh my God, I'm going to do it...

...yup, I'm going to talk about The Mother Effin Hunger Games.

Listen, I was reallyyyy fucking hesitant to read these books. I LOVED Twilight, everything about it, before that awkward fucking bitch, Kristen Stewart, became Bella and my poor little Twilight series was CORUPPTED.

Sorry for all of the f words, but it still upsets me to this day.
Especially since the first Twilight movie was God awful.

My old boss told me to read The Hunger Games last spring and I said no-effing-way. He also called me out for not trying Chobani, that B. But anyway, I eventually tried Chobani and loved it, so I figured I would eventually read the series, and maybe snack on a Chobani at the same time, but probably not.

Well "eventually" turned out to be January 6, 2012. I'll set the scene...

It was a cold, windy, Friday night in Upstate New York. Instead of picking up an 18 pack of Coors Light on my way home from work, I decided I would skip drinking *gasp* and stay home and read. Now, you might ask, "But Alissa, don't you read AND drink in bed on occasion?" Turns out, I do. But not this time. I had a feeling I would need to be sober for this read, and I was right. The Hunger Games became more of an addiction that CL Smooths. The following photo is evidence:

I didn't do laundry for approx 2.5 weeks. I was too busy reading.

I actually went to Target and bought new underwear instead of having to do laundry.
Oh, that's more time consuming than laundry, you think? Well I needed Chobani, too. Duh.
That's how sick this addiction was. I had all I could do to watch RHOBH and my other Bravo shows.

Now, I won't give away anything about the books just in case you haven't read them (why haven't you read them?) but I will tell you a few of my thoughts about the upcoming movie:

1. I was all, "OHH, GAIL! Hottie! Who doesn't love a guy with dark hair and olive skin?" until I found out that Gail is being played by Liam Hemsworth, who is Miley Cyrus' boyfriend! I don't know about you, but I don't want Hannah Montana's sloppy seconds. So I offically signed with Team Peeta, who I ended up liking more by the third book, anyway. I mean, who doesn't like a guy that can bake and decorate the fuck out of a cake? That's more useful than being able to shoot a bow and arrow, kill prey, and put food on the table, right? Right? Shit! I always pick the wrong guys.

2. Cinna is Christian Siriano, all day, every day in my head. There is only one word to describe Katniss' "on fire" outfit and that's fierce. Who coined fierce? No, not Tyra fucking Banks. CHRISTIAN DID! Now trust me, I love Lenny Kravitz, but he's no gay designer, honey. That man blows coke off of hooker's asses. Just a guess. Oh wait, you didn't know Cinna was gay? Well, now you do.

3. The casting directors TOTALLY redeemed themselves when they chose Woody Harrelson to play Haymitch. I'm pretty sure they can just pick Woody up from day 3 of his current bender at the local strip club, and put him directly on set. He doesn't need to learn any lines, and forget hair and make up; just give him a jacket with an inside pocket big enough for his flask.

Now, I have to go find MY flask because I'll need to be drunk to deal with all of the screaming idiots in the movie theater. And by screaming idiots, I mean soccer moms.