Friday's Letters


{Linking up}

Dear Joe aka Dad,

Sorry I forgot to clean out my medicine cabinet before I moved out. I know you probably shit your pants when you found prenatal vitamins in there, but I hope mom set you straight. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm not trying to get pregnant. Truth is, I'm just desperate. Desperate because you gave me shitty genes and my hair won't grow. I was told to take prenatal vitamins to help my hair and nails, but I gave up and cut both; therefore forgetting I even had those vitamins in the cabinet.

Matt and Amy just had a baby five months ago, and he's pretty damn cute. So cute, in fact, that I don't feel like you can handle the cuteness of another baby for quite some time. I'll give you this hint; you'll know I'm pregnant when I'm sober for longer than 3-4 days at a time.

Dear Linda aka Mom,

I tried to ignore the fact that you cried the day I moved out. And by moved out, I mean, moved into the house next door. We can seriously wave to each other from own kitchen windows. I do, however, appreciate your morning text messages telling me to have a good day and be careful.

Somewhere between college and the real world, my OCD kicked in and I thought that if you didn't tell me to be careful before I left the house in the morning, something horrible would happen. I've never told you that before, so the fact that you continue to tell me to be careful via text message is amazeballs.

Dear Readers,

I'd like to thank each and every one of you for reading my ridiculous blog. I would also like to give a special thanks to anyone who read my blog post yesterday and didn't judge me for what I carry around in my purse. Please know that after I took those pictures, I put EVERYTHING back in it. Cleaning out purses is for losers. Oh, and one last thing. Don't ever leave me, cause I'll find ya.

PS - I heard there is some movie that came out today? The Hunger Games? Ever heard of it?

Dope. If you see it, don't tell me about it. I'm waiting 2 weeks so I can go and not have to sit next to people I don't know. I hate that. Especially when they are 40 year old women who shouldn't be there.

Have a wonderful weekend!