Dear Facebook: It's not me...it's you.

photo cred.

Remember when you had to be in college in order to be on Facebook?

Way to lower your standards, Mark Zuckerberg.

I've had Facebook since I was ohh...19? 20? Don't get me wrong; I loved it in the beginning. I used to break out in hives when I decided my MySpace page needed to be updated, so the simplicity of Facebook was a nice change from that. However, over the years, and most recently with the introduction of Timeline, Facebook has turned itself into a hot mess.

Here's a few reasons why I hate Facebook and have seriously considered deactivating my account:

1. If someone has to "click more" to read your status - it's too fucking long. Nobody cares that on your way to work you were stuck behind a school bus and you didn't get the right coffee when you went through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru - but that's just my guess; I could be wrong since you have 12 likes and 4 comments.

2. Why are people's pictures on my news feed, but I'm not friends with them? If a friend comments on so-and-so's picture, I don't fucking care. Please don't litter my news feed with pictures of people I don't know.  If I'm trollin through FB, it's because I want to stalk. I don't have time to stalk people I don't know. Or do I?

3. If I have to Google, "How to make my profile private" there's a problem. I'm not stupid. I'm perfectly capable of figuring this out, yet Facebook insists on changing their account settings like every.other.day. That is setting everyone up for failure, like...your mom.

So, I've been sticking with Twitter for the most part. I know a lot of people have said that Twitter scares them and they don't know how to use it. I was the same way when I first started. 

Hashtags? #WTF? @who? I don't get it.

But have no fear - I've decided that I want all of you to create Twitter accounts (if you haven't already) and be comfortable enough to use it. Okay, in reality, I just want all you bitches to follow me. 

If you have any questions that you'd like me to answer, please leave them below or email them to me! Please remember - I'm no expert, but I can hashtag the shit out of anything, with my eyes closed, and one hand tied behind my back holding a beer.

If you already have a Twitter account, follow me @alissaerin. It's private, but I will accept you, so calm down.

I had to make it private because I'm considering applying for new jobs and no potential employers should Google my name and see tweets like this: