Friday's Letters


(my insurance provider)

Thanks for denying my surgery. You must think that I've gone to EIGHT different doctors, MULTIPLE times, for the past NINE months for the fuck of it. You caught me. I fucking love co-pays. And waiting rooms? Oh, they are my favorite. But what I really love is taking time off of work, to sit in waiting rooms, and hand over $25 a pop for co-pays.

 I think the real kicker was when I received a $500 sponsorship check in the mail at work from you. You denied my surgery, but hey - here's 500 bucks for your fall event. I had half a mind to keep that $500, but there are poor, hungry people in Albany, and I'm not that much of an asshole.

Dear Fifty Shades of Grey:

I like to call you Filthy Shades of Grey. Is it bad that I haven't blushed once yet? Does that make me a slut?

Dear Friends:

If you don't already watch it, please check out Impractical Jokers on TruTV. It's HANDS DOWN the FUNNIEST show EVER. I'm not even kidding. I would never lie about something as serious as television. I have to wear adult diapers when I watch it because I tend to pee my pants.

Check this out - it's from one of my favorite episodes:

"Ohh my gawd, delicioussssssss" around the 1 minute mark is my favorite. This isn't the full segment, which pisses me off, because the last guy that does it is the best.

Seriously, watch the show and report back.

Have a wonderful weekend!