Ladies, I'd like to say thank you. Most of you didn't want to believe that I embarrassed myself not once, but twice, in the same evening. First by doing the walk-of-shame, and second by having puke everywhere.
But girls - that happened. #3 was in fact, THE TRUTH.
#2 was also the truth. I went in for a hug, and my friend slammed her beer bottle into my teeth. Maybe that's why I'm not a hugger now? At any rate, the nail file worked and my parents never noticed.
The lie was #1. I did throw up on my 21st birthday, but it was in an empty Coors Light box. We were under STRICT instructions NOT to puke in the limo. The fee to clean it would be outrageous. So I went for the box (Mills rescued the last full beer out of it right before) and Sam took to her purse AND our friend's back.
|Sam, let's talk about how you're wearing a yellow sweater. Who are you?|
When the limo arrived home (at my parent's house) Bailey jumped out of the limo like he was on fire. The front yard at my parent's house is a hill, and that man went rolling down it.
Hmm another truth - I also threw up on Thanksgiving this past year - all over Sam's bedroom wall.
She was on the outside of the bed (NO, for the LAST TIME we are NOT lesbians) and I was on the inside. The wall took the hit, and I couldn't wake her up, so I scooped the puke up in my hands and scooted my ass off the bed.
YOU'RE WELCOME, SLAMUEL.
So, anyone want to hang out this weekend? I'm one hell of a good time.
Oh, and I'll give you a little piece of advice - if you have a one night stand, vacate the premises during the middle of the night. You do NOT want to wake up there the next morning and deal with the awkwardness.
Or the puke. If you're like me.