Friday's Letters

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Dear Wind Shorts,

I bought you because Sam called you ugly. She was mortified when I actually wore you to the gym. She got her payback when I was on the treadmill Monday night, in front of a HUGE fan, and you actually caught wind (from the fan, not my ass...let's be clear). Lord only knows what the pervy old man behind me saw, but don't play me like that again, ya hear?


Dear Memorial Day Weekend,

Where did you come from? I thought I had another week before you arrived. I remember when I was in college, and going camping for Memorial Day was such a big deal. Oh, and by camping, I mean I stayed in a hotel next to the campgrounds. I used people for their campsites and fires, but then slept in a nice warm bed at night and took a shower every morning. Suckers.


Dear Period,

As always, I'm so happy you arrived, but way to make an appearance when I wasn't at all prepared for you. Just when I thought I was safe with no panty liner, you made sure to remind me who's boss. Lucky for you, I bought new PANTIES (ahem, Joy) last week so it's totally cool you ruined an old pair. Next month, why don't you call ahead of time if you're planning on showing up 5 days early, capice?


I hope everyone enjoys their (hopefully 3 day) weekend!

Besides Jes. Who will be without cell service. I am so sorry.