RHONJ Recap: Episode 2

hey, hey, heyyy.

Is it just me or is this season terrible so far? 

I guess not every episode can be exciting, but guess what Andy Cohen Bravo? I don't give a fack what Ashlee is doing. She's a waste of space, and quite honestly, hard to look at with those duck lips. 

I shouldn't complain too much because this handsome hunk of NJ ass had a LOT of screen time this week:

Did you think it was going to be a picture of Albie?

Anyways, let's get down to business, shall we? There's no doubt in my mind that Lauren is going to lose weight because the nutritionist is having her drink dog piss for breakfast. WHAT was that? It looked gross.

Would you take health advice from this douchebag?

What's with the effing convenience store/gas stations business ventures? Is that really how these people are making all of their money, because I'll go out and buy a Sunoco tomorrow. Try to stop me.

"This could all be yours someday if you play your cards right."

DYING over the fact that some girl sent Joseph naked pictures of herself. What the hell is wrong with teenagers these days? What creeps me out even more is that Richie was looking at the pictures. Sicko.

Joseph's face says it all.

Melissa and Joe talk about how lucky they are because they bought three buildings, one for each of their children. Hmm, I'm confused. What, exactly, are these buildings for? Is there anything in them? What if Gino grows up and says he would prefer to own a gas station?

That dress...oyyy.

Listening to Teresa try to apologize for the book was painful, and not just because Ashlee was sitting next to her and we had to look at her horrible face the whole time. Why does Teresa bother talking? She has all she can do to form a proper sentence. It's tough to watch.

Lauren, Teresa, Ashlee. You know Lauren was wishing she could eat one of those meatballs.

I just want to get to the juicy stuff - and I don't mean Juicy Joe. I want all of the bullshit that they couldn't talk about when they filmed the season 3 reunion. Hopefully next week.

 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy ear plugs so I can prepare myself for Gretchen's horrible performance tonight on RHOC.