RHONJ Recap and Guest Post: Episode 6

I have read this no less than 10 times and I can't stop laughing. 
Enjoy Michelle's recap of this week's episode and make sure you check out her blog.

So we start off with the lovely Gia and her cell phone. Because every 10 year old needs a cell phone. Milania was NOT ok with this and accused Gia of "being fresh." I'm not sure I want to know where she picked that phrase up. She's probably just mad because Gia's texting Milania's boyfriend. I mean, Audriana is already walking in heels at two, so five is probably when the Guidice girls start dating.

Gia "being fresh"
I would like to just go ahead and give Teresa the worst mother of the year award because I'm pretty sure she was semi asking her daughter for advice on how to fix her relationship with her brother. And I'm semi positive that Gia in all her scary drama is more mature than her mother. At least when it comes to Joe Gorga. 

 Is befriending the wonders of auto tune in leather pants and booty shorts no longer enough for Melissa? She wants to act too? So does Joe have to go build her a movie set?

She made me question my newfound Team Melissa status for about a solid two minutes.

And then Teresa decides to visit her friend Kim D and explains that she's such a good friend because "she always agrees with me!"

Oh Teresa. Always the expert. 
After the field day and having her parenting skills questioned (as they should be!), Teresa just needed someone to tell her everything she wanted to hear. But I couldn't hear any of that over Kim's breast implants. 

Also, doesn't Kim D remind us of another Kim we know? 

Kim G in all her horrific glory.
Have we not learned our lesson?

Just throwin' that out there. 

Jacqueline came over again, and after teaching 2 year old Audriana to walk in heels, Teresa, once again, gave us a nice lesson on how to be an old school italian. We learned in a previous episode that old school italians don't say jail (because, you know, it's such an offensive word and all). And lesson two was revealed this week:

Don't go to (physical) therapy.

Really, Tre? How's that working for you and your family? I'm starting to think being old school italian actually means you require therapy. 

But if it is physical therapy we're talking, as Teresa so eloquently put it, I think it's best Juicy Joe stays out of it and lets Tre & Joe work it out. Because clearly, he's had quite enough already.

Oh, and just because the Lauren complaints quota hadn't been met, she whined to us about hats. Because, you know, they're horrifying and stuff. She's probably thinking she would wear one if she were skinny. But she's not. 

Ok so let's talk Rosie. She had this super emotional conversation with her niece and nephew about how she came out. There were tears. There were gushing hearts. She asks for a question. Just when we think it's going to stay all deep and meaningful, Joseph busts out

"So, do homosexuals have gay-dar?" 

No lie, I nearly projectile vomited my Ben & Jerry's all over the living room. 

Oh, and we can't forget Teresa's claim that her family loves the gays. Denial is running free and wild in that family.

And we also can't forget when Rosie met her soulmate, and her soulmate's husband. Though judging by the display in the hot tub and the husband's very floral shirt that belonged at the wedding in Chicago, I'm thinking Rosie might actually have a shot. 

Sorry, random girls with the white shirts and bowls of food that no one seemed to know. Rosie wasn't interested. Though I think their appearance was all creepy Richie's doing. If you know what I'm sayin'.

And because I'm a nice person, I will now leave with some life advice, complements of Mother Teresa. 

"I have sweet blood, so I always get bitten by dogs"

So if you have a problem with dog bites, now you know why. It's your sweet, sweet blood. Try Teresa's approach and drench yourself in pink lipgloss. 

Thank you, Michelle, for a great recap! Check back tomorrow for my thoughts on RHONY's new ladies.