Jes from twosmuppies

I really don't think Jes needs an introduction, but I'm going to give her one away. Listen, this girl sends me gummies in the mail. Gummies all the way from the West coast. I usually inhale half of them before I even know what is going on. Then I have to ration them, because sometimes Jes likes to take off for 3weeks.

And she leaves me gummie-less.

But that's okay, because she lets me hang out with her dog on Wednesdays. And I'm so glad she linked back to those posts, because I don't think I have the energy to that right now. I'm too busy rocking in the corner, thinking about having to get on a plane tonight.

I should be okay, Jes told me to bring gummies. They helped her when she was stuck on a plane for 13 hours. Can you even imagine? Anyway, gotta jet. Going to soak my gummies in vodka.

// // // // //

i don't even know where to begin.

hi, my name is jes and i blog at twosmuppies.
sometimes i blog about my dog, chris. other times, i blog about the love of my life, sharkie.
most times, i blog about food. and by "blog about food", i mean i post pictures of the shit that i eat.  i don't really know why i insist on taking pictures of the food i eat? perhaps its a reminder to myself that i should unclog the shit in my pores more often.

oops, i just swores. please feel free to unfollow if you do not approve of poop related curse words.
you see, i'm on a mission. alissa told me to blog about whatever i wanted... under one condition.
i would be fired if i didn't lose some of her followers. she doesn't like you people, people.
can't you tell? she be trying to get rid of you and, cue swear word, shit. sometimes she even uses giveaways.

(linDUH? are you reading this? i am sorry if you are. just stop if you are. i need you to adopt me. i've heard you have a fully stocked fridge. and, like aliSSUH, i like to threaten that our house will go down in flames until i am fed. wait, what?)

anyways, unfortunately, i'm not here to make you people disappear off alissa's blog. i am 100% all for you following her. why? because that means you sometimes get to see the adventures that alissa has on wednesdays with that of that love of my life i was mentioning earlier, sharkie.

i don't really know how it happened, but one day, alissa decided she just HAD to have custody of sharkie on wednesdays and we dubbed them "imaginary wednesdays".

start here if you need to be educated some more on this custody arrangement: part one and part two

here's the thing. when sharkie comes home, he tells me all things. like any good child does after they've spent the day with someone else, or something. i don't know. i don't have kids. i just assume this is what happens.

and you know what he told me last time that alissa forgot to mention in her recap of their doings?
that they went and did this:


congratulations, alissa! i can't wait to see yours and bieber's baby. look how thrilled you all are. 
and i'm not, like, psychic or anything, but i feel as though he/she will come out feeling a little like this:


annnd, you're welcome.