RHONJ Recap: Episode 12

While I did enjoy this week's episode, I'm still bored with this season.

However, last night, there was a LOT of airtime for my lover, Chris Laurita. For that, I am grateful.

Let's start with Melissa, and how badly she embarrasses me. I'll never understand why people practice and practice and practice, just to get on stage and lip sync. If you're going to be moving around so much that you'll be out of breath (and she really wasn't, for the record) then stop moving, and sing.

Or just look really, really confused.

While Melissa is trying to be Britney Spears, Kathy has a more realistic goal; she wants to have tastings of her baked goods at a local gelato shop. Now, I love her, you know this - but when she said that her tastings were her "biggest weapon" I had to giggle. Like she's the first person who EVER thought of that.

I totally want to taste that shit.

Moving onto the Manzo clan! The boys are getting ready to go the Fancy Food Festival (that ALSO made me giggle) to spread the word about blk. Has anyone ever tried it? I'm seriously thinking about driving the closet market to check it out. I've seen it before, but now I need to try it. For blog purposes, ya know?

While the boys are on the road for blk, Albert is going to the festival to debut The Brownstone's sauce. I'm sure it's delicious, but when Caroline held a jar, it looked like her hair dye, not pasta sauce.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Let's talk about the boys! Oh, how I love all of them. I think. I'm not sure who everyone was, or why they needed SO many people, but whatever. They played a little game called, "Fuck, Marry, Kill." Haven't heard of it? You're dumb. It's when someone says the name of 3 people, and you have to choose who you would fuck, who you would marry, and who you would kill.

shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!

Let's play using the boys, okay? I would fuck Chris Laurita (OBVIOUSLY), marry Greg (even though he's gay), and kill Albie. Sorry, Albie. You're kind of annoying. And I hate your lisp. Bye.

Your turn! Tell me your choices.

Okay, so what did everyone think about Teresa's kids blowing up her spot?

Holy Bride of Frankenstein.

I guess it wasn't that big of a surprise, but I do find it funny. At least Kourtney Kardashian isn't afraid to say that Scott sleeps in his own room. Actually, I kind of like the idea of my husband (if I had one) sleeping in a different bed. I think we should bring that tradition back. Snoring, helllooo. Not okay.

Moving onto Melissa's performance. I can't even HANDLE those shorts, girl. I can't.

Or the guy on the right. I can't handle him either.

Did she steal a bunch of doilies and sew those shorts herself? And the beater...it looks like she bought a 3 pack from Walmart, and tucked one into her homemade shirt. APPARENTLY (according to Jac's Twitter) Melissa actually sang, but Bravo put her track over it. WHY?

1. Because she really didn't sing OR
2. It sounded awful.

Take your pick.

I'm going to end this recap with two gay kids, excited about meeting Patti Labelle.

Ms. Patti!

As for me, I'm pretty excited for next week - it's Napa, right? Wrong? Who the fuck knows.