Listen up y'all, cause this is it...

On my birthday a few months ago, a dear friend of mine dedicated this post to me. Despite being the one who said (or typed) those things, I couldn't believe some of the words that come out of my mouth (or my fingertips) on a daily basis.

But one topic has stayed with me since that post. Perhaps it's because I deal with it for a few days every month - and no, I'm not talking about my period. Or the kraken, as I not so lovingly call it.

I'm talking about ovulation.

Maybe it's because I got my period for the first time 15 years ago and I "know my body" so well, but I don't understand why some women need to spend money on tests to find out if they are, indeed, ovulating.

Ladies, I'm hear to tell you JUST what to expect when you're expecting ovulating.

It starts with a little cramp...just a tiny pinch that makes you wonder, "Am I getting my period? Didn't I just have it?" It's a dull ache that will slowly become worse...and worse...and worse...until...

It happens.

What is it, you ask?

Ovulation Nation (adj): When you begin ovulating; when you are a fertile myrtle. Example: I'm feeling so Ovulation Nation today.

I'm not sure how I came up with that term...but I do remember a few times when I've yelled those choice words at the top of my lungs.

Like when I was in bed, curled up in a ball, trying to find the strength to walk to my computer and Google what side your appendix is on because I was POSITIVE mine was about to explode.

Or when I was in Walmart, browsing cheap Christmas jewelry for an ugly sweater party. That time, a male counterpart was close by and watched in awe as I wrapped my arms around my waist and screamed, "Holllll-eeeee hell, I'm ovvvv-u-late-in'!"

Isn't that enough, girls? Isn't that enough for you to know that something is funky? That you're ovaries are going to be on high heat for the next few days? If not, email me. I can go into some pretty gross specifics if you need them.

Oh, and you don't ovulate when you're on the pill, for the record (SAM!).

Save you're money, okay? Don't buy those ovulation tests. Download the "Woman Log" app and track your period and ovulation FOR FREE. If, once a month, you don't feel like this... are not ovulating, and therefore, you should go see a doctor if you want to have a wee little babe.

Tell me your Ovulation Nation stories...just don't be gross, okay?