Things that go through my head on a regular basis.

I think about this the most. Kidding. Or not.

"I wonder how lazy my eye looks right now."

As I'm cleaning on the litter box: "Is my ass hanging out? Alissa, who cares, you're home alone."

"Remember when you told people you were giving away an iPad Mini?"

...and that is always followed by EVIL LAUGHTER.

Which is sometimes followed by,  "Some people are so fucking stupid."

"I need a nap."

"I wonder what (insert name of celebrity here) is doing right this second."

"Am I making a facial expression that shows I'm interested/that I care. I hope so."

"Did I shave my armpits today? Does it really matter if I didn't?"

"I need coffee."

"I wish I was home. In bed. With my cats."

But more often than not, the one thing going through my head is, "I need a beer."

How was your weekend, kids?