Stream of Consciousness

1. Sometimes I read through my old tweets and laugh uncontrollably. Yes, my own tweets. I'm not worried about anyone else thinking that I'm funny, because I've never laughed harder than I did while tweeting about dropping the Cards Against Humanity "kids with ass cancer" card. In public. In front of an old man. Who saw it.

2. I really want to zing someone, you know? Either to their face or via text or Twitter or I don't care where, I just want to z-snap the shit out of somebody.This has been building up over the past couple of weeks, and good luck if you're at the receiving end of it.

3. I would like someone to love me as much as Aaron Paul loves his wife, as much as John Green loves pizza (and okay, his wife, too). PS: I own this shirt now.

4a. I still get sprinkles on my ice cream because it's something that I've done since I was little, and it reminds me of the summers I spent with my grandmother who passed away when I was 11. No, they don't taste like much, and yes, they are waxy, but they remind me of her...so, have that.

4b. A little zing, to take the edge off.

5. I came across a girl who takes selfie after selfie with duck lips, and I think, "It's hard enough to be a woman, please stop making it worse." This thought is quickly followed by, "And men are attracted to that? What is life?"

6. So, I'm going to get a tattoo. Bye.

7. I watched clips from the (recently cancelled) Pete Holmes Show on YouTube, and there is one monologue where he's discussing break ups. He was telling a story about how he was going to break up with a girl in person because they had two-position sex, and if you have two-position sex with someone, it warrants a break up in person. He ended the joke with "...because I was raised right." AHHH, IT TICKLES.  Ending anything with "because I was raised right" slays me.

See the clip here.

8. A JET PLANE AND A BIG IDEAAAA. This song has been in my head for a week now. Fingers crossed they play it at the show this weekend. Fingers and toes crossed that they play "If It's the Beaches" too, so I can die a happy, happy cat lady.

9. There is a huge bag of Wint-O-Green Lifesavers in my office. One day, that bag will be empty, and I will be solely responsible for each missing Lifesaver. Halp.

10. Kelsey and I are going to see The Fault in Our Stars next Wednesday. So, no spoilers, Walt!

11. Kerri will be here in 15 days, and I'm going to meet Alyssa for lunch the following weekend. Blogging is a crazy thing, but I love it.