I think I’m slowly becoming a Jehovah Witness.
Okay, not really, but hear me out.
I still love Halloween. Haters to the left, and put down that fun-sized Snickers bar on your way out. But this year I was more than happy to stay home on Halloween and not dress up, even though I had a great costume idea (Hazel Grace Lancaster). Granted, I still trolled around my house in sweatpants, and could have easily put on a raglan and jean jacket to complete my look. Anyway, I’m getting off topic! Halloween can stay.
Thanksgiving can stay, too. Because after I eat, no one judges me for taking a quiet 15 (that turns into a 2 hour nap) on the couch. Then I wake up for dessert and go home. Then I get the next day off from work, always. And that’s why I love Thanksgiving so much.
Christmas, though. I’m all for everything leading up to it: decorating, getting a tree, THE WHITE LIGHTS THAT GIVE ME SUCH A CASE OF THE FEELS, I CAN’T BREATHE - that’s all fine and well. But I struggle with Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My great-grandfather died on Christmas Even when I was 11 years old, and it has never been the same since.
On Christmas Eve, there’s always something Like, so and so doesn’t want to come if so and so is invited. Or this one isn’t talking to that one, so it should be interesting. I’m guilty of it, too! Do you know how many times I’ve sat at a table, and have been ignored by someone in my family? Or been doing the ignoring? Or witnessed someone else ignore someone else? TOO MANY TIMES. Way too many times for my 28 years on this planet.
And Christmas Day isn’t what it used to be. When my nephew was born, my brothers and I decided we would stop buying for each other, and only buy for my nephew. Which has been nice, because I no longer have to think about what to get my brothers and their wives – the downside is that I don’t get anything, either. I don’t have a significant other who showers with me with presents that I can take pictures of and post on Instagram. So, HI MOM AND DAD, YOU’RE THE ONLY ONES WHO GIVE ME CHRISTMAS GIFTS ANYMORE – MAKE ‘EM GOOD.
That's not to say I think Christmas is all only about presents - it's not. This year, it's also about the fact that my office has a holiday "shutdown" so we'll be closed from Christmas Eve until January 2nd. However, I'm taking January 2nd off, because I'll be in North Carolina. Thank you and goodnight.
I still have this vision that my family will come together on Christmas Day, and cry over a beautifully framed photo of my mother, when she was pregnant with me, and it just so happens that one of my brother’s wives got drunk and invited one of my ex-boyfriends to join us, and he shows up, with a great head of hair, and a snow globe for me, and we make out in the ambulance he drives.
Maybe I just described the end of The Family Stone. Whatever. Give me a fun group of siblings, or let me sleep until New Year’s.
I’m calling in sick on Easter this year – it’s pointless. And it usually involves ham. Last year, my mother decided to switch it to a brunch, which sounded promising, since she also requested I bring ingredients to make mimosas. But Easter is a holiday that alcohol can’t even help. As soon as I left my parents’ house, I drove around aimlessly for 3 hours. I was so mentally exhausted, I had to literally flee the scene. Once I got home, I laid in bed until I ordered Chinese around 8pm. I’m skipping everything except the Chinese food next year.
And, finally, birthdays. Remember my birthday this year? I choose not to. I didn’t start 28 off on the wrong foot – I started it off on a broken ankle. Figuratively, of course. Next year will be different.
I swear I’m not a Scrooge. I just have a better understanding of why movies are released on Christmas Day: for some people who don't have family (at all) (or just in the area) to celebrate with. Or for people like me, who have plenty of family, but prefer to sit in a dark room full of strangers.