"Yet, what I’ve found in all my searchings and yearnings is that I want something pure. And, I’ve realized how much of this search for more is a way to circumvent vulnerability. That commitment isn’t scary because it cuts off options; it’s scary because it requires transparency. It requires showing up and doing the work. It requires the grit that the constant search for more does not require. To want and feel inadequate and to think our way into holes is not brave. To desire off the sidelines of our own lives is not honest or courageous. These act as our subtle protections from the type of vulnerability necessary to be committed; to want something really, really bad; to love someone so much; to have to show up day in and day out to make our lives big and beautiful and all the things we dream of our lives being.
Because, commitment in any area of life—and especially in love—is hard work. It takes a type of mental gymnastics that a lot of people have a difficult time with, because you have to be brave. You have to hold back the constant onslaught of choices and keep coming back to your breath, your one choice. You have to deny yourself instant gratification for the gratifying nature of slow and steady. You have to deal with the mundanity of one foot in front of the other, of daily effort, of having to face who you are when it matters, when someone matters to you, when you care, deeply care about the outcome. You have to risk your heart and there’s no way to shortcut it. You can’t live on the edges of love and still desire the feeling of deep love. You could get hurt. You will probably get hurt."
An excerpt Jamie Varon's Things People Don't Talk About When They Talk About Love